Avan Jogia by Useless-girl
- For those who've missed the previous chapters. Enjoy and feedbacks are always welcome. Thank you! Usi
- http: //archiveofourown.org/works/879300/navigate
Anita was standing on the balcony of Martin’s house. She moved here months ago. They’ve decided that it’ll be the best. She didn’t quit the university just switched to the correspondence course, because it became very tiring to go in to the classes with her big tummy. They managed to arrange their lives and under this she meant not just Martin but Dave too. Sadly Stella had to stay with her mother and this hurt Dave very much, but she and Martin did everything to prevent the singer from falling back into one of his deep abysses in his soul. They explained to him that this wasn’t the end of the world, because he can see Stella and Jimmy as much as he wants to. Although Jimmy wasn’t his son, he loved him like that. And now a new baby was on her way. She’ll be able to busy him and help him to forget about all of his sorrows. Dave understood this and his positive thoughts have returned.
Since then everything was perfect. The dark-haired man visited them often, sometimes he slept over too. Sadly he couldn’t live with them, because that’d have been too suspicious, but they were already working on solving this problem. Dave was even ready to leave New York for his new family. Because slowly the three of them became a real family. And soon the new member of the family will arrive too.
Sometimes Anita laughed on the boys or was moved by them to tears when they tried to give her everything and they planned their future. She could barely stop them because they nearly always wanted to touch her round tummy and they even talked and sang to their daughter. But she didn’t mind it, because she was more than happy, if we don’t count the smaller discomforts. Her love for the boys couldn’t have been stronger and she couldn’t wait to hold that fragile little girl that was growing in her body. They didn’t have to wait for much longer.
Anita was sitting in the garden with a smile on her face as she watched her daughter playing with Dave. The little girl had a big smile on her face as she played along her part and squeaked happily as she tried to run away from the man, who caught her easily. Two years have passed since she was born. Anita didn’t ask for a DNA test, because she felt that she would just ruin everything the three of them have built up and it wasn’t that important for her to know who their daughter’s real father was. Both men loved her as their own blood and they played a lot with her.
Luckily, Haley – who got her name from Dave – handled the situation well. She didn’t make a difference between the two of them. It seemed that she loved them the same way. She called both of them as her daddy.
Anita wouldn’t have thought that the four of them can live in such a harmony. With time it became natural that Dave came when he could and stayed with them – practically he was already living with them, he went back to New York just from pretence and because of his kids. The band members were very surprised from the arrival of Haley, who gave some hard minutes to her young mother when she gave her life in the hospital.
Anita couldn’t believe that she was growing this fast. Since then she’s finished her studies too. She felt as if it was just yesterday when the labor has started. She could still see the picture of Dave’s and Mart’s worried face and she remembered their panic. Then she had to smile again from the memory when Martin held the newborn baby in his hands for the first time. He came into the labour room with her and Dave chewed his nails in the waiting room. But it was worth it to go through all this even just for the scene when she saw their moved looks as they held the baby in their hands for the first time. Anita often thought how lucky she was to have two such a wonderful – although sometimes really stubborn – men looking over her and Haley.
She had to confess that as her daughter got older, she searched for the signs that could give away who her father was. With her green eyes and blond hair she didn’t show too much. In this age nothing was sure, but her personality has already started to show. It was confusing, but it seemed that she got something from both of the men. Basically she was a calm kid like Mart. But when she decided something, she started working on solving the problem and getting what she wanted with such an élan like Dave. And this much was enough for Anita. The little girl belonged to all three of them.
By: Capricornus and Useless-girl
Translated by: Useless-girl
Note: This “letter” was inspired by the role-playing characters (Damon and Shan) my dear friend S.M.A. and I have been writing for more than two years now. They have a long and bumpy relationship with a lot of twists. You can get a little taste too about what has been going on with them in these past two years. I hope you’ll enjoy it. :)
Recommended album: Placebo – Loud Like Love
“You Know I’m Grateful”
It is funny how someone’s way of thinking changes through time. I guess this happens to everyone at some point. I remember how I tried to pretend that I didn’t need love – how I said love was only for the weak and the fool. I’ve always acted as if I had no real emotions, as if nothing could hurt me. This mask was constructed carefully and put on my face to protect and hide the real me. I loved to be seen as a bloodthirsty monster, a dangerous demon who would snap anyone’s neck if they got in my way. No one could fuck with the fearful psycho vampire. Children were taught to be aware of me, that I would come for them if they misbehaved. It was flattering really.
I became like this because of a terrible mistake that wasn’t mine to make. It wasn’t my choice to become a bloodsucker, a thief of countless lives. My dear selfish brother condemned all those souls to die by my hands and fangs sooner or later. No one could escape my hunger. Especially not those who became my victims during my killing sprees, when I switched off my humanity. Those sprees sometimes lasted for decades. All the hate that just intensified in me after every kill, after every pair of terrified eyes that have burned themselves into my bloodthirsty mind. I was nothing but a beast, a raw naked nerve of insatiable hunger.
I remember often waking up soaked in the blood of my victims until these periods shortened as I gained more and more power and control over my own actions. Was I hunted? Yes I was. But no one lived to take my head or stake me. Slowly the Damon Salvatore name became famous in some circles. Famous about his cruelty and twisted ways. I remained alive and alone. I liked being alone at that time – or so I thought.
For a long time my mind was hazy with the need to feed, but when I could think more and more clear I realized I had a new purpose: to free Katherine, my maker from the tomb that was located under the ruins of a church in that godforsaken Mystic Falls. And I was back at square one. I couldn’t stay away, because love weakened me again. As a human I was so blinded by my love for my maker that I couldn’t see through the games she’d been playing with me and my brother. But in fact she only ever loved Stefan. My oh so human-like brooding brother. The ladies’ man. If I was the heartbreaker among us then he was the brother who was always loved by every girl. He was the keeper and I was the substitute or the good lay. I wanted people to see me like that though. We could say I always had trust issues. At that time I’d left that damned town for good, too. There was no use to fight against the will of the universe. Doppelgangers that always ends up together, witches who tries to fry your brain, soul mates that see only each other, werewolves with bites that are lethal to you – I had enough. I needed a fresh start and soon I thought I’d finally found my happy ending too on the side of a man whom I could call husband for the first time in my eternal life. That was a twist no one could see coming! I was happy. Finally. But it didn’t last long.
And then I was alone again just going with the flow. The evenings found me in different bars where I went to be around people, cause trouble and occasionally fight with drunken guys just to feel something. But I was empty, not even hurting anymore since I could never really believe that I could be really happy once. I started to accept that this was my fate, my punishment for not dying when my time came. Like magic, cheating death always comes with a price.
I thought I’d seen everything and I was back at thinking love was bullshit and not my cup of tea. I hated the world intensely once again – until you came along in that no-name pub. I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight – and as later turned out it was my fifth time meeting you – but there was something in you. Some wisdom, a look that could tell stories. Everything was there in those emerald eyes as you looked at me from across the bar. At that time I didn’t know that it was impossible for us not to cross each others’ path over and over again.
You were gorgeous and majestic as always, but now that I think back there was some insecurity in your familiar eyes too before you had decided to come over to talk to me. I’m sure you’d tried to guess what twisted game was destiny playing with you leading me back to you for the fifth time.
And to my biggest surprise soon the day came when I’d started to believe in soul mates and fate too, even if gods intervened and tried to tear us apart, even if I had no memories from the first four times together with you. I still felt that I was incomplete, that something was missing from my live – from my side. You.
My sweet prince. My king. My other half. My everything.
I cannot describe how happy you’d made me despite your curse that had poisoned each short time we had together, weakening me physically to the point where I went into a coma for long days and woke up forgetting everything about you, running away from you instinctively in order to survive. And leave you behind with a broken heart each time.
That’s the number of the times I broke your heart without knowing anything about it. I still cannot really imagine how hard it must have been for you to see me flee from you as if you were a monster. I know you’ve been blaming yourself all this time, but to me you were never a monster. Even when I used to feed you with my emotions and vital energies I had never thought of you like that. For me you were and are still perfect. I cannot imagine a day without you – well I had to when you’d sacrificed yourself for our family and the kingdom and were gone from us for long weeks. We were going through hell too without you. Especially Davante and me. But actually I was alone – just like you in that strange dimension your god took you – when Dav, our other husband broke down and let his warlock side take over. I never blamed you though for making this decision. I could perfectly understand you – like always.
And on one fine day you came back to us. You’d changed yes, but we all have changed a lot since we got together. The only thing that will never change is my burning and eternal love four you – and for our other soul mate Dav too, of course.
But you were my first true love, my other side and I cannot tell how happy I feel for you that you don’t have to be afraid ever again from draining me from my energies and memories. I know how much you had to suffer because of that. My heart was bleeding for you each time I saw you fighting with your powers inside to keep me safe. But it seems that our persistent love could indeed come over every hardship our relationship had to face.
It seems it’s not only my brother who picks up the pen to write down his thoughts, huh? I know you can feel all this through our bond, but I still have to write it down for you. You can call me old-fashioned if you like. I just think love letters – if you consider this one – are unique and sadly a dying genre in this modern world, but maybe that’s one of the reasons they will be even more valuable. See? I’m babbling now like the lovesick cat I truly am deep inside. That damned love made me a weak fool once again… but there’s not only weakness in love – it is empowering too. I feel strong and myself with you. Using those three words doesn’t do justice to what I really feel for you. But I’ll say it out loud anyway, just to see your sexy smile that always warms my heart and makes me want you even more:
I love you, Shan. Now and forever.
The young girl enjoyed the flavor of the tomato sauce she was cooking and which she’ll eat with some cooked meat. And her dessert will be some fruits. She started to really like such vitamin bomb dishes lately and now she choose to eat them willingly because of the baby. She was by her doctor today and he said that the baby was doing well. She was already thinking about names. Now she was much calmer that she knew that she can count on Martin. He’s been there two weeks ago and since then he visited her nearly every day to check on them, asking if they needed anything. She was a bit moved from this and she started to believe that the blond man was really serious about this whole thing.
She stirred the thick sauce one more time then she turned off the stove. Her small flat was filled with the nice scent of food, which she could finally enjoy – not like at the beginning of her pregnancy. From this thought her smile faded a bit, because the memory came back to her when she felt sick from the smells for the first time… at Dave’s place. This memory seemed very distant and cold. Although she wasn’t that mad at the singer like earlier, but she still had an edge on him. But she shook her head and walked to the fridge to pour some mineral water for her lunch. In that moment someone knocked on her door.
She smiled. She knew that Martin won’t be able not to visit them again. She quickly rubbed her hands in the kitchen clot and hurried to the door to open it, but when she did, her smile faded away.
“Hi” the deep baritone said as the singer – who wasn’t wearing black this time – could set an eye on her.
“Dave… what… what are you doing here?” she asked and didn’t even notice that she put her hand on her tummy right away.
“Martin came to me and I thought that I should come. Will you let me in?” he smiled faintly.
“And you needed two weeks again to come?” she murmured under her nose, but she stepped aside to let him in.
“Yes, Anita, two weeks. You know a lot of things kept me from coming. First some medical attendance at the hospital then the stupid things of my ex-wife” Dave answered on a harder tone than necessary as he heard that Anita could think just on herself and on her problems again.
“You can go, if you find the situation uncomfortable” she still kept her hand on the door handle and swallowed her anger that quickly rose in her.
“I’m not here to go away. It’s just that it’d be nice if you’d see further than your own problems.”
“I’m sorry that in my situation where you’ve left me, I think about the baby and myself and about our happiness” she noted on a slightly cynical tone as she closed the door and passed Dave to head for the kitchen.
“I know that we’ve let you down and I understand that you’re angry now. It’s just… you know… this whole situation was so complicated and we, I handled it the wrong way. It was frightening to hear that you’re pregnant. Then as it sank in, as time passed I began thinking about it a lot and I couldn’t accept my own decision, but then I thought that I was already too late. Then Martin came to me and told me that you’ve kept the baby, and I’m very happy about that. Really. And now I’m here to make things right.”
“Alright” she sighed and folded her arms in front of her chest “Do you want something to eat or drink?”
“No, thanks. But I think we should sit down” he pointed at the kitchen table and sat down. When he was sitting comfortably and put both of his hands on the table, he unwillingly started scratching his scar – lately he did this when he was lost in his thoughts or if he was nervous.
“Do you mind if I eat? We’re quite hungry here” she added with a little smile.
“I don’t mind” he smiled too and watched her as she put some food onto her plate and sat down.
She still had that little smile in the corner of her lips as she started eating and in between two bites her expression changed into a bit more serious “What’d happened to your hand?”
“Nothing special” he covered it with his other hand “I cut it, it got infected and purulent.”
“Oh… I guess it was then…” she said, but rather swallowed the rest of the sentence and just watched him while chewing.
“Yes, then” he nodded “I don’t really know what to say. I’m sorry about my behavior and I’ve regretted it thousands of times since then.”
“Tell me Dave…” she sighed not paying attention – but storing – his apology “… how do you feel about the baby and me? How did you imagine this?”
“Anita, I’d like to be a part of this. I really want to do what I can, because it’s possible that I’m the father of the baby and I’d like to fill this role. And… I love you” he looked into her eyes.
“Really?” she examined his face.
“Really” he answered seriously.
“And what if it turns out? What’ll be with the band and your lives?” she pushed a piece of meet in the sauce “It’ll affect you even if you’re not the father. And if you are then it’d even more…”
“IF it turns out then it’ll be a big fall, but I think we knew the risks even at the beginning. And what’ll be with my life? It’s already in ruins so it doesn’t really matter” he shrugged.
“Oh David…” she whispered. She was moved and in the next moment she was already sitting on his lap sideways as she put her arm around his shoulder “So you see a way out of this in us?” she whispered.
“Rather a new life.”
“That’s the same” she smiled and caressed the careworn face “You’re so spent and look shattered…” she gently stroked along his temple.
“I feel that way” he sighed “Jen wants to take away my daughter” he looked up. He didn’t know why he told this to Anita. She was the only one who knew about it besides the lawyers, the judge, Jen and himself.
“You poor thing” she wiped away a single teardrop from the corner of his eye as it settled in the small wrinkles “Can I help you in any way?”
“Unless you can change the judge’s verdict… Because the judge tends to let Stella stay by her mother.”
“But you can have custody rights, can’t you?”
“Theoretically. But if they get to know about our triangle, he’ll take that away from me too.”
“Then… then you don’t really want us to get closer again?” she looked at him unsure as her stroking hand stopped as well.
“I didn’t say that. Because there’s a new life growing inside of you, which can come from me too. I need you both” he smiled.
“But… I cannot expect you to risk all these things for me or for the baby… especially because… because ‘officially’ I’m just with Martin” she added carefully.
“Look Anita, I think that we cannot really separate this triangle anyomre. We gave so many things in it per head that maybe it’ll connect us forever. The responsibility is common.”
“Alright… if you really want to risk this much…” she shrugged a bit and looked him deeply in the eye as she stroked along the full lower-lip.
“This or the other possibility: sitting alone in my empty flat. I choose the first option, because I want to live with you as much as possible.”
“Oh god, I missed you so much!” she softened up even more and her tears started to run down her face as she couldn’t hold herself back and pressed her lips to Dave’s.
He held her tightly and returned her kisses. Maybe he can be finally happy.
“You won’t hurt me this much anymore, will you?” she sniffed into his neck.
“No. I don’t have to fear from anything now that would make me do so.”
“Good then” she loosened her embrace to look into his eyes and she gave him an honest smile “Both your daughter and I are happy about this…” she bit her lower-lip, watching his reaction.
“It’s a she?” Dave asked back.
“Uh-uh” she nodded fighting with her tears. The hormonal changes were really getting on her nerves since the beginning of her pregnancy. She cried a lot compared to herself. “I was by my doctor today and he told me that it’s nearly completely sure that it’s a little girl. Even Mart doesn’t know about it. I told you first.”
Dave couldn’t say anything more. There was a radiating and wide smile on his face as he slowly slid his hand onto her tummy. Two teardrops ran down her face as first she just watched the big hand on her stomach then she put her own on it too and searched for his softened look. “And… wouldn’t it bother you if it turns out that it’s not yours?”
“No. But I think I don’t want to know who the father is.”
“You don’t want to know?” she looked at him surprised.
“Well… sooner or later she’ll start to look more like her father…” she caressed Dave’s shoulder.
“Yes, but this’ll be the exciting part. And by the way I don’t mind if Mart’s the father. He’s my part just as much as you are.”
“Jesus, Dave, don’t tell me such things, cuz I’ll cry again” she ‘threatened’ him.
“But that’s the truth” he looked at her with big eyes.
“Dave…” she cuddled to him desperately.
“Do you still want me?”
“If you really do then make love to me, please…” she whispered faintly onto his mouth.
“You’re a pervert lil minx, you know, don’t you?”
“Why? I’ve missed you! You think that I haven’t imagined you in such situations since the last time I saw you?”
“Would you go into the details?” he asked with a dark smile.
“And I imagined you sometimes even when I was with Martin… As his body rediscovered mine sometimes it was as if I made love with the both of you at the same time… Oh my, David…” she sighed “… I want you so badly…”
“Then let’s do something about that” he said and kissed her sensually while his hands already started wandering. Anita returned his kisses more passionately. She was still in that period of her pregnancy when she wanted sex often.
Dave didn’t hesitate for too long and soon he took her into the bedroom. Now he didn’t want to risk doing it on the top of the table.
“Don’t tell me that you get horny from pregnant women as well!” she giggled when Dave growled lusciously in the moment he saw her naked tummy.
“I’m an animal, Anita!” he laughed and bit the soft skin with his teeth, continuing this as he moved downwards.
“Hmm… you could be a bit gentler, you wild animal…” she sighed referring to the fact that her body became more sensitive lately. She already dragged his T-shirt over his head then she stroked along the warm tattooed skin lustfully.
“How gentle do you want me to be?” Dave purred and switched his teeth to his tongue.
“Ohhhh… something like this!” she moaned towards the ceiling “I want to feel those beautiful hands everywhere on my body! I’ve missed them so much…” she dug into Dave’s hair.
“You’ll get them” the answer came and he soon fulfilled her wish.
Finally Anita could let herself - and the rest of the tension she felt because of Dave - go. Now she knew that everything will be fine – even if they’ll have hard periods in their lives. As she looked down at the singer who was gently kissing her tummy, she could nearly see as the deep wrinkles that were caused by his problems started to slowly disappear. Or at least those which were caused by her and the baby. Dave pulled her pants and panties down and one of his long fingers slowly penetrated her.
“Oh god, that’s it!” she moaned and her hips started to move from the slow pampering. She didn’t know that because of the pregnancy she’ll feel their touches more intensely. She had to cry out loud while she pulled him closer by his nape. Her eyes became hazy and felt very grateful, because his fingers didn’t stop moving. She took his slightly stubbly face between her hands and looked him deeply in the eye “I love you, Dave…” she whispered barely audible. This was the first time she said it out loud.
“I love you too” he answered and gave her a long kiss while he felt his heart racing.
She smiled and stroked along his face then when Dave asked her, she turned to her side and waited for him to lay down behind her and position himself. When it happened, he penetrated her slowly. He didn’t want to go too deep, because of the baby. She moaned faintly from the long-awaited feeling and she squeezed the embracing hand on her tummy, while she turned her head back and offered her thirsty lips for a deep kiss. And Dave wanted to give her everything she needed. He kissed her without stopping while he gave her his slow and deep thrusts. She didn’t need too much time - soon she came laying in Dave’s arms and scent. He pulled her tightly to him, burying his face into her neck until he could finally sink into a calm and deep sleep.
- 30 Day Supernatural Challenge. Day 21 – favorite sex scene
This one was hot
"begin your essay with an interesting fact or quote"
im gonna fucking ACE this essay
Teen Wolf - STEREK AU - Titanic!AU
Derek Hale is a wealthy industrialist going to the States. Stiles is a poor artist looking for inspiration. They meet on the day Titanic sets her first - and last - sail.
'I see you've managed to almost get loose again.’
I WANT TO WRITE THIS
Martin really fell apart after he managed to pull Dave together a bit. He constantly cursed himself because of the things that happened – he felt that everything was his fault. He played the “what ifs” hundreds of times in his head. He was torturing himself with them, because he thought he deserved it. His pain was nowhere compared to Anita’s. A few times the emotions and the thoughts were too overwhelming, as they washed over him, pushing him in and out of his own little closed world and reality – and he couldn’t bear it anymore, he started drinking after a long while. He was at home, alone, sitting in his living room and drank everything he could reach, but things just got worse this way, because he could feel the pain and the lack of this child much sharper. Millions of such pictures flashed in front of his eyes like the ones Dave lined up earlier – from a better future. And this went on until he yelled and sobbed loudly. After this he didn’t reach for the bottle again, he just let this feeling eat him up alive from the inside.
Meanwhile Dave rested at home. He got better slowly, but he never slid back that far like when Mart found him. His hand got some stitches and he still has to take the antibiotics. He tried to slowly move on, he tried to busy himself with his divorce and pay attention on his lawyer, while he considered selling his apartment, because it was way too big for one person. His life became frighteningly empty.
Martin stayed in this state for weeks. And the worst thing was that he had no inspiration to busy himself with work. Of course he tried to pull himself together as best as he could so that they could return to the issues of the band, but because Dave was still recovering too, Mart had some time and they postponed the meetings as well. Of course everyone thought that the reason was Dave’s divorce that he wanted to concentrate on that and they knew that he was going through a difficult period now. Martin hid his pain in front of the others, only Dave knew what kind of things were going on in his mind – although they rarely met. Both of them wanted to process and deal with this thing alone and they called each other just in case one of them needed some support. Martin’s mind was on Anita a lot. He tried to guess when she could have gone to the clinic, how she could deal with the abortion and what she could do at the moment. Did she flee into learning? Maybe she has already moved from the small apartment to leave this painful chapter of her life behind.
The worst thing was that Mart still didn’t know what to do with himself. He wanted to respect Anita’s request not to go near her anymore, but he was worried about her – especially after the “suicide attempt”… And his visit by Dave in that cheap motel just stirred him up even more, although a few weeks have passed since then… Well, if he looked back, this painful thing has been going on in the last 3 months, but he still felt as if it was just yesterday. His emotions didn’t calm down as he would have expected. He still loved her in the same way, he still missed her. The nights were the worst when he was just tossing and turning from the guilt. He couldn’t sleep and this was visible on him. He lost some weight too, although he tried to pay attention on himself. But the constant worrying and thinking weren’t good for him. He started to turn into his own shadow, although he didn’t touch a single bottle since that one time.
After one sleepless night he couldn’t take it anymore… He took a shower with the decision that he tries to pull himself together as best as he can and no matter what, he’ll go and visit Anita to be sure that she was okay. Even if she yells at him everything that comes into her mind, he still wants to see her, with his own eyes to be sure she is alright.
Meanwhile Anita didn’t know anything about this. She didn’t even want to think on Depeche Mode either, although sometimes she couldn’t stop herself and while she was sitting in a net café, she googled them. To distract her thoughts she rather concentrated on the baby, which has already started growing in her tummy. It didn’t matter who was its father, she’ll love this child very much whatever may come. One day she woke up in an especially good mood. She took a nice big walk in the sunshine and her whole morning turned out great. She was tidying up her place when she heard the knock on the door. She curiously walked there and peeked out on the loophole to see who it was. Then she was taken aback with fear as she saw the blond man. She didn’t move. Maybe he’ll go away if she pretended that she wasn’t at home.
But he felt that she was there. And he saw the light coming from under the door and where else could she be around 8 pm? He waited patiently and knocked again. “Anita… Anita please, open the door” he asked quietly and gently.
She knew that turning off the lights now would be quite strange. “What do you want?” she said finally.
“I would like to see you. I couldn’t take it anymore… without you” he said silently leaning to the door. He nearly nuzzled to the wood as he grabbed the doorframe with one hand, while the other was holding a single rose.
“But I don’t want to see you! Go away!”
“Anita, please… I cannot take it anymore without you! I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the last few months… I’m so sorry! I was stupid and confused and I made the worst decisions… Please, Anita… I still love you the same…” he propped his forehead on the door with a little thud.
“But you were able to ask me to kill the baby. And the possibility was there that you were its father!”
“Yes, I know! And I’ve been cursing myself since then! I was such an idiot! I shouldn’t have asked this from you! Neither I nor Dave had the right to ask this… We could have figured it out somehow! And now killing a human being lies on our head…” he whispered hoarsely with sunken shoulders “It was such…” he began but he couldn’t go on from the lump in his throat.
Anita suppressed her anger “What?”
“It was such…” he swallowed hard “a big mistake from us! From me! If I could turn back time, I’d not do it this way. I’d be on your side, helping you and… and we could raise the baby together. Oh god, Anita, I’m so sorry that I exposed you to this! I know that probably there’s no forgiveness for this… I go if you want me, but please, let me look into your eyes one more time. I’d like to see your face. See with my own eyes that you’re alright… Then I go if you really want me to.”
She sighed. His voice seemed honest and gave a hint of the great pain and suffering he was going through. But she didn’t want to make more mistakes… but then her hand slowly reached for the lock and soon she turned it. The door slowly opened. She wasn’t sure about this, because she kept the baby and she was afraid that his feelings will change with a scenic blaze of anger.
First Martin felt surprised, because he didn’t think that she’ll listen to his begging. Then he forgot to breathe when his eyes slid lower from the unsure face and he ran them over her whole body. It got stuck immediately on her tummy. Although its size wasn’t that big, but it was obvious that it wasn’t about some plus kilos. Suddenly he couldn’t talk either and he felt that his emotions got stirred up as fast as birds fly when something frightens them. For a moment he glimpsed at Anita’s face, still in disbelief. He saw on her that she was afraid of his reaction, but he didn’t care about that right now. He just fell onto his knees still in the door and without thinking he slid his hand onto the small tummy as he cried out happily. In the next moment his tears were flowing.
First Anita squeaked in her surprise from his strange reaction and looked down at him surprised.
“Oh my god! Oh my god!” Martin moaned with relief and pressed his lips to her tummy. Within a moment he tugged up the T-shirt and after a short laugh he gave his wet kisses on the naked skin.
“Mart…? Are you okay?” she asked him unsure.
“You have to ask?! Of course I am?! Oh my god, Anita, so you kept it?! I’m so, so, so happy! You cannot imagine! Anita, Anita…” he murmured at the end and pressed his face to her tummy to feel them both closer. His shocked panting slowly turned into sobbing that shook his whole body as he was still on his knees hugging her to him.
“Hey… come… come in…” she said softly, although she still couldn’t understand him. In one minute he’s angry about the baby and in the other he’s happy? But she put this aside now and pulled him up from the floor and invited him in. Martin was still shocked as he followed her.
Anita’s mouth nearly fell open as more light came down on him “You’re not… not the Martin I remembered” she said a bit confused as she slowly sized him up from head to toe. He was skinny, his cheeks were hollow and big dark circles were under his eyes.
He looked aside for a moment, because he felt uneasy from the way she just said that was on her mind – usually he loved this in her. But he knew well what she was talking about. “I didn’t lie to you when I told you that I couldn’t think of anything else than this…” he said quietly.
“How long haven’t you eaten?”
Mart just shrugged and his eyes turned sad as he sat down next to her on the bed.
“Come on” she said and walked to the kitchen to find some food for him.
“Are you two okay?” Martin followed her. He didn’t care about his own condition, he was more interested in the baby and Anita “You have everything? And why did you keep it? By the way I’m very happy about it! Very, very happy!” he began to jabber as his head got filled with millions of questions he wanted to ask - which wasn’t too common by him “When’ll you know if it’s a girl or a boy? Is it healthy?”
“Relax” she tried to calm him down while she put down a plate full of fresh pasta with some vegetables and sauce “I still don’t know its sex. And yes, it seems that it’s healthy. I kept it, because I felt that you didn’t have the right to make this decision, treating it as if it was just an object and not a person.”
“I’m truly very sorry Anita and I regretted it. There’s no word for how stupid I was! But I’m really happy that both of you are okay! Do you need anything?”
“We’re okay. But you don’t look so well” she noted again and now her voice showed that she was worried.
“I don’t care what’s with me. You’re more important now” he shrugged again.
“Don’t let yourself go this much. After all you have the chance that you’re its father. And what should I tell to the baby if something happens to you, hm?”
“I’ll be okay. But you should talk now! How’s the pregnancy going?”
“It’s okay, although the nausea at the beginning gave me some hard time and it didn’t help either that I had to get through it alone. But then I got the run of it and my stomach is okay too. And what do you want from me now?” she looked into the green eyes with his own grey ones.
“I’m open for everything in case I can be near to you two. I don’t care about anything else. I want to take responsibility if you let me do so. I don’t even care if the baby is Dave’s. I want to give you everything you two need.”
“Would you undertake it?”
“Yes” he said seriously.
She nodded and it seemed that a faint smile appeared on her face “And what’s with Dave?” she asked.
“Well… a lot have happened to him lately” he rather pulled the plate closer to him and avoided her eyes.
“What kind of things?” she asked as she sat down next to him.
“Well, as a start he totally fell apart” he said then he rather started eating, although he wasn’t hungry – but this way he didn’t have to talk.
“He got high again? Wonderful…” she grimaced with disgust.
“No…” he quickly swallowed the food “He didn’t use drugs. Just… well drank and let himself go. You cannot imagine how he looked like. I had to drag him back from his half-insane state” he stared at the table with dark eyes from the memories.
“Half-insane? I highly doubt that. After all he has a quite comfortable life with his wife and kids.”
“Not anymore” he sighed.
“What do you mean? Did he regret his sins?” she laughed coldly.
“He’s in the middle of his divorce. And even if you think that he takes things easily, you’re wrong. His divorce and losing you were hard for him. Mostly the latter one.”
“Sure. But he still ‘didn’t have the time’ to come to the hospital. So… now I ‘don’t have the time’ to deal with him either!” she stated a bit angrily.
“Anita… He totally regretted everything. You should have seen him how bad his condition was. He still looks bad, but he tries to pull himself together.”
“Sure. But he wasn’t the one who nearly died from the pain he caused to me! He’s a cruel man and I wish him to go through what I had to survive! He never called me! He never showed me anything from his big ‘remorse’! At least you wanted to know what’s with me, but he wasn’t interested!”
“Anita, you really don’t see why he acted like this. Yes, it’s true that it was a bad thing that he didn’t come to the hospital. Back then he was still angry. Later he regretted it, but then he was already afraid of you. Do you want to see how he looked like when I found him? Here, I took some pictures of him to shove it under his nose if he starts to slide down again. This can still stop him” he pulled out his cell and gave it to her then he leant back and pushed away the food he barely touched.
She took the phone reluctantly and looked at the pictures. Her face slowly started to show her shock “Oh my god, Dave…” she whispered “What did you do to yourself?!” Finally she couldn’t look at the pictures and put the phone down with tears in her eyes.
Martin knew what was going on in her mind, because the sight burned itself into his mind as well - like some ugly things from Dave’s junky past, when he let the singer down. “See? If I tell you that he’d totally fallen apart, then he really did” he said quietly and took his cell back.
“Wouldn’t it have been easier for him to call me? Where’s he now?” she looked up at him.
“He doesn’t dare to look into your eyes after what had happened. By the way he’s in New York. He’s searching for another flat and he’s busy with his divorce.”
She sighed “This shouldn’t have ended like this.”
“No, you’re right. But nothing’s lost yet, if you don’t close us out” a little smile crossed his face “We still can fix this mistake.”
“You really believe in this?” she looked at him again. It seemed that the old light and hope were broken in her eyes.
“Yes. I don’t know how things with Dave will go, but I’m ready to take responsibility for anything that may come. Since then you turned 21 too. Although this doesn’t influence me. I’m not here because of this. I’d say the same even if you were still minor” he folded his arms in front of his chest.
“Oh Mart!” she cried out and was already in his neck “You don’t know how much this means to me! I was so scared!”
“I know! I know…” he whispered into her hair as he held her tightly. He was a bit surprised from this sudden change of mood, but it felt really good to him. Now he dared to hope. “And I’m sorry that we left you alone in this difficult situation. I let you alone and I’ll never forgive this to myself…” he stroked her long hair.
“But you came back and that’s the most important thing now” she mumbled.
“Really? This… this means that we’re good?”
“It rather means that things are getting better.”
“Yeah, I meant it that way” he risked a little smile still holding her and looking into her eyes. For a moment he hesitated then he softly and shortly kissed the well-known lips. And she returned the kiss. She didn’t want anything else just enjoy the peace she found in Martin’s arms.
Dave was sitting in the living room of his new and much smaller apartment and scratched the scar on his hand with a pensive look. Slowly he gained some weight back, although he was still broken. The divorce was hard for him. Jen acted very aggressively, she wanted both kids to herself and didn’t want Dave to see them. He didn’t let this happen so a long fight has started at court. They still didn’t have any results and this was just another drop that added to his gloomy mood. Slowly he’ll lose everything. Just the band has left for him, but right now it couldn’t comfort him either.
He jumped a bit from the sound of the intercom then he stood up and pushed a button “Yes?”
“Hi Dave” he heard Martin’s voice. It has been a long time since he sounded this cheerful “I thought I’ll visit you. I have news.”
“Come up” he answered and pushed another button, which opened the door downstairs and Martin could step in.
The blond man was soon up on the top floor – of course Dave rented an apartment there. Martin knew that this wasn’t only because of his megalomania, but because this way he could feel himself a bit separated from the noisy city he lived in. He impatiently waited for the singer to let him in. Soon the door opened and Dave stood there then he let his mate in.
“I have good news” Mart said as he entered the flat. He’s been here already when Dave moved in. He found it nice, but Dave still had to buy some things into it. Mart went straight into the kitchen and put the paper bag on the counter then he started putting the fresh pastries onto a plate.
“And what are they?” Dave leant against the doorframe.
Martin grinned widely and at an easy pace he started organizing the pastries.
“Will you tell me?” Dave smiled while he stole one from the plate and started eating it. In exchange the sugar on it gave him a nice white moustache.
Mart giggled – which he did a long time ago – and grabbing Dave’s nape he pulled him close for a quick kiss to lick down the sugar from his lips “It’s about Anita” he let the singer go.
Dave chose the wrong time to inhale, because from Mart’s sentence the sugar went into his nose and he had to cough from it. “What’s with her?” he asked after he could finally breathe again.
“I think first you should swallow the food” he said and put down his cheese-cake as well.
“Is it this serious?” he asked and obeyed to Mart.
“Well yeah!” he said and barely could stop a smile “Dave… Anita’s kept the baby…”
“What did she do?!” he asked shocked, but it was 100% pure surprise.
“The baby’s alive and both of them are healthy!” he grinned from the bottom of his heart.
Dave smiled “And why did she keep it?”
“When I visited her yesterday she said that she wasn’t able to do it. Geez, Dave, you should see her! She already has a small round tummy and she’s just more beautiful when she’s pregnant!” Martin sighed.
“And what are your plans now? You want to take her home and be a daddy, as if it was totally normal?”
“I don’t know yet. I’d like the three of us to sit down and talk about the future. I don’t want to leave out anybody – especially not you, because the chances are the same, you can be the baby’s father as well.”
“I’m in. I hope that we’ll find some kind of a solution, because I’d like us to finally live in peace… although… I don’t know whether we can use the word ‘family’ in this case” Dave mused. Even if he couldn’t make any of his marriages work yet, he’s been always a family person.
“Everything’ll slowly work out. But Dave, I hope you know that you have to go to her alone too, before we sit down and talk about these things. You’ve hurt her very much.”
“Then it seems that she didn’t see why I did things this way.”
“Nope, Dave… but you could explain this to me as well, cuz you never gave me an answer. I rather listened to my intuitions when I talked about you to Anita.”
“You want to know the whys?”
“Yes. I’d be curious” he took a big bite from his cake.
“I don’t really know… maybe it was because the pain. It was quite unbearable.”
“I see” he sighed which set off a little cloud of sugar. He giggled again, but meanwhile he thought that Dave doesn’t have to tell him more, because he’s been there too. Dave joined him – he laughed and ate as well.